Sam Iles's Blog

Confession: I have a stammer.

That’s a fact which not many people reading this will be aware of, even those which know or have known me in person. I am what’s known as a ‘covert stammerer,’ in that I can often do a pretty good job of hiding my stammer.

For example, in secondary school, no students knew I had a stammer. For some reason, I was able to get my words out in front of my peers. However, the knowledge was always there. I personally found it harder to say words beginning with vowels, so I would constantly swap out words as I was approaching them so I could say a word with a consonant instead. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

Another thing I remember doing all the time is purposefully forgetting things I couldn’t say and prompting the other person to say them. For example, if I had to say the name of some author, I’d say, “oh, I can’t remember their name – you know, the one who wrote Harry Potter” or whatever and then let the other person say it.

I’d also avoid general speaking situations. I was a fairly quiet child and didn’t speak that much. I certainly didn’t instigate conversations often and I never voluntarily rose my hand to answer a question in class – more or less all because I had a stammer.

I did stammer in school sometimes, with teachers. If I had to go and speak to one alone or in their office, sometimes it would take minutes to muddle through a simple sentence. No teachers ever mentioned it, which was rather odd now I think of it. The offer of support might have been nice. But there we go.

Outside of school at that age, my stammer grew steadily worse from year seven to year eleven, to a point where I couldn’t speak on the phone and couldn’t even speak to family members. Going to the doctors, for example, would be a hideous ordeal which would take well over the allotted five minutes appointment time!

As I entered sixth form in a new school, my stammer grew increasingly worse, with students as well as teachers this time. Suddenly being unable to talk to my peers really was a sickeningly horrible feeling. Teachers stopped asking me to speak (German speaking lessons where you don’t speak really is an odd situation to find oneself in). I didn’t bother talking to any people at all.

But, the head of sixth form told me about a previous student at the school who had a stammer and said that he’d done something called the McGuire Programme, which is a course for people who stammer. People may remember Gareth Gates… well, that’s what he did to get rid of his stammer. After much debate with myself over a long period of time, I finally decided to attend.

Starting on a Wednesday evening in a Cardiff hotel, the first thing we had to do was sit at the front, in front of some eighty odd people and be filmed answering a few simple questions like ‘what’s your name?’, ‘What’s your address?’ and so on. Naturally, I did very badly, taking what must have been a minute just to say my name. I now have a copy of this video and I might share it with readers who ask.

Then, over the next few days, the course began and from 7am to 10pm each morning I, along with 20 other new students and 60 graduates of the course, learned what is essentially a breathing technique to control one’s stammer. I shan’t bore you with a complicated explanation of the technique here, though. I did get to meet Gareth Gates though, who was attending the course. We shook hands and had a nice conversation for some 15 minutes. Quite wonderful.

On the Saturday, after two full days of speaking with the new technique, I took to the streets of Cardiff and made 105 ‘contacts’. Contacts are walking up to people and telling them you’re on a speech therapy course for your stammer and would like to introduce yourself and them saying ‘Sam Iles’ to them. Considering I couldn’t say my name two days before, I was able to introduce myself just fine to these people. Walking around Cardiff introducing yourself to people (mostly the pretty girls on those make-up counters in John Lewis and House of Fraser and the like, as them seemed harder than talking to an old man, so the one to go for…) really is an odd but wonderful thing to do.

I then stood on a ’soapbox’ in Cardiff city centre and gave a short ad hoc speech to the people there about my stammer. That was pretty wonderful too.

Sunday consisted of yet more speaking, all culminating in a big public speech to the parents and family and friends and graduates and new students of the Programme. That was fun, also. And, no stammering!

On returning home, I went to town in Bristol the two days and did a large number of contacts, explaining about my stammer and introducing myself to people (I say people, mostly the pretty girls on the make-up counters…). I’ve also being phoning HUNDREDS of random strangers on the phone and having conversations with them – something which would have been literally impossible before the Programme.

And, boy, does it feel good. So, so good. I was told a story of a blind woman who had a stammer. Imagine that: blind and unable to speak. When asked, ‘if you could get rid of either your stammer or your blindness, which would it be?’, and she replied ’stammer’. Consider that for a moment: this poor woman would rather be blind than have a stammer. That’s how awful it is. And, I no longer have that. I can actually say my name. I can speak whenever I want and say whatever I want without changing words of using other tricks. It also does pretty amazing things for your confidence. In the last two weeks, I’ve given public speeches to a cumulative 300-odd people. I’ve introduced myself to over 150 pretty ladies. In fact, I feel like – after all that – I can literally do anything and I really don’t feel nervous or apprehensive about, well, anything now.

The reason I am writing this is because telling as many people as possible about the course and your stammer is very much recommended as part of the Programme. It really helps with the method, for reasons I won’t explain here. And, my blog is just about the most public way I can say something.

So, most importantly from all this: if you have a stammer yourself, going on the McGuire Programme will be the best thing you’ll ever do. I can say that these past two weeks have been unequivocally the best two weeks of my life. I am a completely different person in every single way. I can speak, I’m infinitely more confident. I suggest you do it, too.

On Monday I started work on a new website. Like most websites I make, this one was born out of desire. I thought this kind of website would be really cool. If I’m honest, I didn’t take to Google to see if it existed already. I just took to paper and drew what I wanted. Then I coded it. I think you can always have a better service if you build it yourself. That way, it’s exactly what you want (hey, even if nobody else uses it at least you have something you can use).

Anyway, the service is called Rejuncture. It is like a daily diary, but it designed to be quick and small. Every other diary type app or service I’ve seen does too much. It gives you a task manager or a calendar or a million other things you don’t need. Rejuncture is simple and clean.

A juncture is defined as a critical moment in time. An important moment worth remembering. Rejuncture (a word I obviously made up) is about capturing, remembering and reliving those moments (hence the ‘re’ part).

You log into the website and are presented immediately with all the fields needed to make a ‘Juncture’ (that’s what I’m calling the individual entries). You give the actual text you want to record and can add a location, tags and people. That way, you can easily search all of your Junctures made in Paris or referencing your girlfriend.

The length of text is up to you. You can write short, 50 word entries or you can write a long form piece each day where you divulge all of your thoughts and feelings.

At the moment it is very simple and still a beta product. Coming soon will be the ability to: Link relevant photos or tweets to Junctures Add Junctures by other means (mobile, email, etc) Export all your Junctures as zipped plain text or CSV Required interface features like sorting, editing, deleting Multiple language support Much more!

I’m launching early to give you a taste of the site and let you try it out. Hopefully, it will become much more robust and useful, while remaining as streamlined and simple as it is now.

There you have it: Rejuncture. Head on over to rejuncture.com to try it out now!

For the last four years, I’ve been battling a belligerent love triangle on my computer: Ubuntu, Mac OS X and me.

I’ve gone through many phases. For one time, I didn’t use Ubuntu for months. In another period, I didn’t use Mac OS X for months. But, let me explain my current set up:

On my desk, I have a 17 inch MacBook Pro. It has a 2.66Ghz processor and 4Gb of RAM. When I bought it, it was the best standard specced laptop in the world (and also the most expensive). It was also the thinnest 17″ laptop in the world, too. I love. I have an external hard drive plugged into it, which has Ubuntu installed. I also have Ubuntu installed on a virtual machine on the Mac.

So, I have three choices. I can boot into Ubuntu and use only that. I can boot into Mac and use only that. I can boot into Mac and then fire up Ubuntu in a VM so I can use Mac OS X and Ubuntu alongside each other and access each other’s files.

I have distinct use cases for each.

I use Ubuntu for work. I am a coder. A web coder mostly, and I need a good operating system for this. For me, Ubuntu is the best. It comes with PHP, Python, Apache, etc installed already and it takes seconds to make a new website. I can visit http://localhost/ and get my website right there, using the database on my own computer, rather than connect to the production database in America. I make a change in the code and it is viewable in Google Chrome right away. It is a fast, efficient, pleasant way to develop.

What’s key is that I don’t have a Twitter client or email program installed. I don’t browse the web on it. I don’t have a graphics package or GarageBand or iPhoto or anything else which distracts me. On Ubuntu, I literally have a FTP program, a web browser and a text editor. It’s beautiful. It’s clean. It’s peaceful. It’s enlightened.

And then there’s Mac OS X. That’s where I go for everything else. Twitter, email, web browsing, iThing syncing, iPhoto-ing, other coding, blogging, et al. Sure, I could do most of these in Ubuntu, but I like to keep this separate.

Which do I prefer? Well, neither really. If I had to pick one favourite, I’d say Ubuntu. But, it isn’t a case of preferring one over the other. More an issue of different uses.

But there are pros and cons. Ubuntu is blazingly fast for one thing. So fast it makes Mac seem like Windows. But, there is more software for the Mac. I think I prefer some of Ubuntu’s paradigms, but it can take a little more effort.

And that is the extent of my triangle. Sometimes I think I should build my own PC with low specs (you don’t need a lot to run Ubuntu very fast, really a gig of RAM will suffice just plenty) and buy a huge screen – or even two screens – and be done with Apple. Maybe one day I will. But right now, I am content to jump between the two as need so dictates.

Ubuntu is my day machine. My workhorse. My powerful, lightweight working computer. Mac is my plaything. My friend. My tool of fun.

This is the difference. For me, my setup is perfect.

P.S. Of course, I haven’t even mentioned the impact my iPad has had over the last year. I find myself turning my computer off earlier and earlier and doing more and more that I would usually do on my Mac (email and blogging to name a few) on my iPad. This means I use my Mac less, with no impact on my Ubuntu use. This puts my percentage in pure time between the three at around 60% Ubuntu, 20% Mac and 20% iPad…

Look at this entry in my calendar from last year:

Yeah, that’s right. On the 6th of April 2010 I became vegan after about four years of vegetarianism. And, veganism, oh how I do love you.

It all started when I read a book called Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. To call it a life changing book would be an understatement. Foer actually made the case for vegetarianism (himself being a vegetarian, not a vegan) but the way in which he described the conditions of chickens and cows kept for eggs and dairy really made me think. A quick Google while reading the book solidified my decision, and, I distinctly remember that the last time I ate any non-vegan-but-vegetarian food was when I turned the very last page of the book. If you haven’t read it, you should.

So thus began the journey. It was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. I can say with absolute and total honesty that I did not once want to eat cheese, et al, or relapse or regret my decision. I believe this is because I truly wanted to be vegan. This made it easy. I would suggest anyone else considering it to not consider it, but read their facts, make a decision, and do it. That’s the only way it can work.

Then, the food. Oh, Lordy, the food. To science, it’s known as NOM. I can honestly say that I have never eaten better. If you eat meat, you’re all, “oh, dinner, let’s have meat and potatoes like all nights”. It must get so boring. But, veganism forces you to cook. It forces you to use the best cookbooks out there. It forces you to discover plants and herbs and spices and flavours and cuisines you didn’t know existed before. I just love vegan food. I. Love. Food.

And, then there is the health. I feel healthy. I have plenty of energy. I have – according to a qualified nurse person – iron levels which are firmly “above average”. I have had what amounts to, oh, three spots in the last year (a increasing trend among models is to be the vegan thing to reduce the job ruining spots).

And, then there is the environment. My diet produces far less carbon dioxide. My diet uses far less water. I use less land. I pollute less. I am an anti-global warming device.

And, thirdly we have the little animals. Bless them. How many of your lives have I saved, I wonder? How many of you have not had to die for an industry for which apparently animals do not die. How wonderful.

As to the cookbooks, my favourites are as follows:

• Veganomicon by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero. The ultimate vegan cookbook. Hundreds of amazing recipes, from soups to “sammiches”, enchiladas to “elephant nori rolls”, it literally is the book of vegan.
• Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World by the same as above. 75 cupcake recipes. 75. Never in all my life did I imagine I could love anything as much as I love vegan cupcakes. Such inventive, unimaginable varieties.
• Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar by the same as above. 100 cookie recipes. 100 this time! Never in all my life did I imagine I could love anything as much as I love vegan cookies. Serious nom to be had, here.
• Viva Vegan! by one of the above (Terry). 200 recipes from the Latin American countries. Latin American food is now my favourite food. I can’t even express in words the unrivalled awesome of the tastes, the textures, the nom. Buy this book if you are the vegan thing (or if you’re not).
• Vegan Scoop by Wheeler del Torro. 150 recipes for ice cream. But, not just any ice cream – VEGAN ice cream. I mean, vegan ice cream people. Of course, there are vanilla and chocolate (yawn) but things really get exciting when you start talking about curry ice cream and peanut butter ice cream and so many more.

So there. Those are my five favourite vegan cookbooks.

In addition to cookbooks, I should also mention the wonderful ‘Vegan Freak’ by Bob and Jenna Torres. This book really is awesome. They are both vegans and explain why they made the choice, all about being vegan and all manner of wonderful information. This book is a must read for any vegan or anyone thinking of becoming a vegan.

So there you have it. A year of wonderful, healthy, environmentally friendly and compassionate food and a year of vegan books.

I’ve enjoyed it so much and I can honestly say that I never look back and never regret it or wish I could eat a certain vegan food.

So, here’s to another vegan year – and all the rest of them!

I spend in a lot of time in my bed, reading, playing Xbox, or watching TV/movies on my projector. I always have my iPad with me and use it to check and deal with email, read and make tweets and look things up quickly. I usually just keep it on my bed somewhere, pick it up when I need it, use it awkwardly and then place it down again.

I decided this had to change and that I needed a wall mount so I could do the very quick tasks I want with simply extending my arm. So, I perused the internet and finally settled on this one.

First off, it was delivered brilliantly. It came in a single, small recycled and recyclable envelope. The bracket, wall plugs and screws were contained within a small sealable plastic bag. However, this one is fully bio-degradable. Which is awesome. They even included a note saying, “we hearth the earth so we hardly package this at all”. Ten out of ten for packaging.

Anyway, most of you found that boring.

Let’s put it up.

Where it’s going.

First, ready your drill.

Next, pick your drill bit.

Then, drill. Drilling is scary. I keep feeling like I’m going to drill through something. My Dad suggested over the phone that I avoid the wires and pipes, I assume with my X-ray vision. But I got there. Insert your wall plugs.

Screw your thing on.

Look at your iPad on the wall.

Simple. What fun and simplicity, eh?

I don’t know about you, but I took a ton of those job matching tests. I hear they’re called “Jobbos” in the USA, which is a funny name. Every time I did one I got a list of jobs I would obstensibly be suited to. Every time – hand to God – software programmer was on the list.

Mind you, it was often joined by such exciting career paths as “librarian” and “lawyer”.

But, software programmer was the one which stood out. I should say, I was programming before I took these tests. I started making websites when I was around eight years old. I had my first website on the line at around ten years old. I started writing the real software when I was around thirteen. Etc.

So, I was set by around age thirteen on software programmer. And, that’s what I do now and plan to do forever. In that, that’s where any money I have comes from.

And, I love it.

I remember a conversation in school re software programming. The general response was “wow, that sounds boring”. And, I guess it does. Writing line after line of words which don’t seem to do much for one’s fun metre…

Nevertheless, it does for mine. I literally love writing software.

Let me explain how it works. First, you have an idea for something to make. I have around fifty ideas written down in various places. This is the most exciting part. This all consuming tidal wave of thoughts which just won’t stop. Sometimes, all I can think about for days is that latest software idea. It’s a real rush.

Next, comes the general design and detailed planning. Drawing pictures, making notes, working everything out. Damn this is fun. Then, comes the actual planning of code. I love this part too. The experts call it ’software architecture’. It’s the bit where you design high the building will stand up and exactly how everything in it will work. Software architecture is about designing the code and exactly what you need to write. What database software will you use? How will things interact and happen?

Then, you have to write it. I love this bit too (surprisingly). The solving of problems is fantastic. Writing seemingly meaningless words on a screen and then watching as it does something. The incredible frustration when something doesn’t work and the inexplicable joy when you finally crack it. I have literally screamed and cheered in joy when something finally works after hours of fixing it.

I also love the sheer possibilities of software. There really is no limit to what you can put on the screen. Hardware is physical and limited. But, software isn’t. You could write a system with perfect, human level speech recognition. You could write a system which talks to humans and understands what you want perfectly. There are no limits: only the current version number of your software. At the risk of sounding like a unicorn infatuated six year old: if you can dream it, you can build it.

And that’s why I love writing software. I genuinely really enjoy it and it’s pretty much all I want to do forever.